Beginner's guide to the wild tropical sweat forest of Health Clubs

Health Club / Fitness Center / Gym / Body Sculpting Studio / Iron Pumping Factory or whatever you call it, fact remains its a jungle out there and stepping into the wild isn't easy for the newbies.

For those who're playing to take the plung into this wild wild world, let me familiar you with the various species you'll be encountering over there.

1. Moaner: Its scientifically proved that, moans travel faster than actions and you'll experience it as soon as you step into the sweat heaven. This species is know for its loud grunts that generally sounds like... "aaahhhhh", "uuuuhhhh", "huuuuuuhhhh", "faaaaaaakkkkkkk", et all. The strongest part of this species are his vocal cord muscles. He visits the gym to add stamina and power to his Adam's apple to facilitate much louder grunts at the time of mating.

2. Adviser: This species falsely prides itself in being know-it-all, long nosed creature. It has a natural tendency to disturb others physical routine and gives unasked advice inorder to win uncalled attention. They would go to the extent of enforcing their pokes by taking away your props and touch you at weird places to correct (read disrupt) your postures.

3. Socialiser: This creature never misses an opportunity to mark his territory with his musky sweat. He's generally found around the treadmill swamps and bicycle grasslands where large herds of female kinds are found strolling about. Occasionally, this creature is even seen around watercooler watering holes taking tips and networking with other alpha males for some or the other personal gain.

4. Playlister: This species is highly sensitive to sounds and thus at all times tries to have most satisfactory and optimum decibel levels.

5. Poser: This is the most hilarious creature of the lot and is found in largest number across the territory. Their large numbers, more than makes up for their lack of power, which they utilize to bother other larger species. They're more amused by a simple mirror than orangutans. According to scientific estimates they spend 87% of their time making retarded and preposterous poses. Since the beginning of evolution, this species has been trying to take over the world but physically speaking, they haven't done it yet.

6. Fighter: They are smallest in numbers but are feisty by nature and belong to a secret practice of "The I'll-despise-everything-and-everyone!". They would bark at others for anything and everything from leaving their napkin anywhere except their hands ,to keeping a dumbbell 3cms from where they picked it up, to leaving the toilet seat up/down/whatever. However they often tuck their tails between their legs when they encounter other larger creatures.

7. Roadroller: This species has characteristics of various species like, activeness of a sloth, body fat percentage of a hippopotamus and asthetics of a camel. He's also nicknamed as milestone, cause every single repetition and ever single ounce of weight is a milestone.

8. Builder: This creature is truly the king of this jungle. He's the alpha-male and the object of desire of every female to have healthy youngones with. He's everything that our previous species is not.

I guess now everyone's clear with the unknown territory and its fiercest species. Hopefully, now you'll be able to tackle everyone gleefully.

Fuel Tank or Fool's Tank?

Why is it that we get to see longggggg queues on petrol pumps the evening before the fuel price hike? I mean, whenever the inflation's cheerleaders, the so-called "government" announces price hike, people rush to the petrol pumps as if it were a 98% off Christmas sale! Get a life people, an increase of Rs. 1-1.50-2 is not gonna make you sell your kidneys. 
 

Let's say, you have a 2 wheeler, you're not saving more than 15 bucks even with a full tank. That's the same amount you'll be saving if you don't ask for extra extra cheese on your cheesy hamburger, not mentioning the favor you & your ass will be doing to your body & the seat, respectively.

Even if you have a car, with a 50 liter fuel tank, at max., what you'll save is 100 bucks. 100 bucks - that's another 2 liters of fuel. Considering you're getting your lazy ass up and driving to pumps specially to be a part of the brainless dash to make your tank overflow, you're already wasting fuel worth a similar amount, considering you'll be crawling through long queues keeping your engine ON and then again wasting a similar amount by not turning your key at red signals during the trip.

This especially pains me 'cause on that fateful day if someone actually has some emergency and has to top his tank up, he'll have to wait endless to see a series of dickheads hitting a jackpot with a full tank, before getting his turn to have a genuine refuel. Not Cool! *shaking head*

SANTA CLAUS FACTS

20 Facts about Santa Claus you never knew.
Santa Clause Fact #1 : He likes to have red ribbon for desserts.

Santa Clause Fact #2 : He's a big Ferrari fan and almost always wears red and has recently bought a customized red carbon fibre sledge.

Santa Clause Fact #3 : If you superpoke him, he'll throw a reindeer at you.

Santa Claus Fact #4 : Santa was thrown out of P. Diddy's Annual White Party as he didn't follow the dress code.

Santa Claus Fact #5 : When Santa was born, he never cried "uwaann uwaannn", he simply did "ho ho ho..."

Santa Claus Fact #6 : As opposed to popular perception, Santa was actually born with a white beard.

Santa Claus Fact #7 : Santa hates rain, he thinks that rainfall is a 'wannabe' snowfall.

Santa Claus Fact #8 : Santa thinks a man's best friend is Reindeer.

Santa Claus Fact #9 : Santa thinks, refrigerator is used to keep ice warm.

Santa Claus Fact #10 : According to Santa, Christmas carol is the most rocking genre of music.

Santa Claus Fact #11 : Santa thinks that the reason dinosaurs were wiped out from the face of the earth was coz of a huge snowball fight and not a meteor impact.

Santa Claus Fact #12 : He has a fetish for fluffy red stalkings.

Santa Claus Fact #13 : Santa once gifted an ATM machine that can count billions to Bill Gates, Gates hasn't asked for anything since then.

Santa Claus Fact #14 : Santa once raced the Superman around the world, the looser shall wear his underwear on top of his pants for the rest of his life. No one know's ready to speak up about the outcome of the race, but onlookers say it was a close finish.

Santa Claus Fact #15: Santa recycles used gift wrappers to make bed sheets.

Santa Claus Fact #16 : Santa thinks he works out 24*7 coz he carries his stomach.

Santa Claus Fact #17 : MJ once unsuccessfully taught Santa how to moon walk...in return Santa successfully taught MJ how to 'love' kids...thats the only thing they have in common.

Santa Claus Fact #18 : Santa once challenged a tortoise for a race. It was decided that the looser shall be exiled to the north pole forever....although we dunno who lost coz the name of the looser's withheld on special request.

Santa Claus Fact #19 : Santa doesnt wear a helmet on the sledge even at high speeds coz he has his thick beard and hair for protection.

Santa Claus Fact #20 : Santa secretly likes this blogpost.

Where is our country going?

Here's a question....

Are there any leaders left in our country or only politicians?

Our politicians (not leaders) keep churning out numbers in their speeches bragging about their "great" performance in their respective regions and/or portfolios; but does it say the whole story? No, it doesn't and we all know that. Even if its true in the first place... are we doing enough? We are talking about being one of the world's leading countries and being a superpower in south-Asia region...but does any one sense that there are countries who are lapping us at much faster pace and if we don't do anything in coming years, it would hurt us in ways more than one.

Mamta Banerjee denied Tata to set up Singur plant...this costed Tata not only money but also time...resulting in late production and late delivery which coincided exactly with the financial crisis due to which, it might not be welcomed too well in foreign countries.

Mayavati spent hundereds of crores to set up statues of herself and her party leaders and also wasted a similar mind boggling sum in Taj Corridor funding.. all this just to make herself immortal and also to fill her kitty with a few hundered crores of tax payers money. Just think, UP is one such state where no industrialist wants to set up his industry because of 1. wide spread corruption 2. lack of infrastructure 3. crowd mentality... Even for a small thing, they'd raise swords and guns (literally) and would kill any person for few thousand bucks. A slight difference of opinion often results in strike and the manager being beaten up and/or killed by workers. In this scenario, if Mayavati wanted, she could've used these tax payer's crores to set up better infrastructure or could've invested wisely in a manner that would attract other industries...but no, she chose to be a stubborn money loving selfish person that she is...and cared a least bit about the people of her state.

As I'm writing this blog, Mr. Raj Thackeray's love for his fellow Maharashtrian's and hatred for the rest of the Indians are growing by leaps and bounds. He's simply too busy giving hate speeches and beating up people of other states who are living in Mumbai...instead of making Mumbai a world class metropolis.

There are many other incidents like Manglore Pub incident, Ghas Chara Scam, etc. Our politicians are busy fighting amongst themselves but hardly anyone is thinking about our growth and our international competition.

Mumbai, is the financial capital of our country. But does it has an infrastructure that a financial capital should? No. The reason being, its not only the financial capital but also has possibly the second largest gathering of corrupt individuals (politicians, local municipality, policemen, other government servants) per million after Delhi ofcourse. We have the resources and manpower both, the only thing stopping us is intent. Intent to do something for our city which would inturn contribute to our country and better us that one bit against international competition.


How can you talk of making your city Shanghai or New York, when all you're interested in is gathering votes by regularizing slums year after year, election after election?
Mumbai has a deadline of 11PM after which no public gathering can keep their loud speakers on. Why can't it be flexed for special occassion's when an international star comes to perform?
Here's an example... On 25th March 2007, Shakira performed at MMRDA Ground in Mumbai. The official limit for loudspeakers were crossed but the organizers requested policemen to let her perform for one last song, which would take only 5 mins. All policemen wanted was money, organizers refused to oblige and kept requesting. Just when the last track (one of her best numbers) was about to start, police almost ransacked the stage and forced the music to be stopped (as told by a friend who attended the concert). After such humiliation, do you think she would want to come to India let alone Mumbai again. Also, other artists would try their best to avoid India or atleast Mumbai. Think of the bigger picture, every artist who comes to India brings in their support staff, stays in 5 star hotels, spends money in shopping, food, travelling etc. More often than not, they also donate money to some NGO or stand up for a cause. All this foreign money doesn't come to India because a group of policemen never got their "hafta". At the same time, the organizers and advertisers are benefited due to the concert ticket sales...and we're not even talking about the exchange of music/tradition and the joy it brings to their fans and music lovers.

Few days back, a foreign student was molested in Ahmedabad and as if that was not enough, the defense lawyer humiliated her in the court in front of a hundred people. Again, the same thing, when she goes back home, she won't advise her other friends to come to India, and so some college would miss out on a student, some tenant would miss out on 2-3 year rent that, that student would've paid for staying here and many other restaurants, malls & shops would be missing out on business over the food, clothes & groceries that that foreign student could've bought from them. Far fetched thought? I don't think so, this is the harsh reality which most doesn't seem to understand.

On the other hand, our international counterparts in Asia, like China, Dubai, Singapore, Hongkong are doing everything they can, to keep their image up-to-date. This is the exact reason, why billions were spent on Beijing Olympics by Chinese government...because they exactly understand what I just mentioned. Every person who visits China would be spending on travel, hotel rooms, food, shopping etc...and if that person has a great time during his visit, the word of mouth would attract another 2-4 people, and their foreign currency coming into the country would be doubled or quadrapled just because that one person had a nice time. Look at the infrastructure projects that China is accomplishing in a blink of an eye from Indian standards. Think of the Tibetian railway line. Its not only show's their technological accomplishment but this piece of railway also make a strong statement by Chinese government that, "At no cost we're going to let Tibet get out of its hand and this land belongs to us and it's gonna stay that way."
What is our politicians doing to develop the far eastern regions of  Sikkim, Assam, Meghalaya, Arunachal Pradesh & surrounding areas?

Port of Shanghai, Hongkong & Singapore are battling to be the biggest/busiest port in the world...while no India port features even in top 10. I don't really understand why we aren't be there in top 10, inspite of being surrounded on 3 sides by water, with such a huge coastline?


How many politicans in India thinks even 5 years ahead of time (about the country i.e.) ?
Dubai doesn't have a government elected by the people but its ruled by the royal family till date. But its royal family especially His Highness Sheikh Muhammed Al Makhtum wants his kingdom, the city of Dubai i.e., to be the best in the world and is doing everything to reach there. Here's a man, who thinks 50-55 years ahead of his time. He's thinking about the day, when he might not even be alive but wants his city to be the most prosperous and the best in the world. In mid nighties he thought, that the biggest source of his kingdom's richness & prosperity i.e. Oil would be over by 2050, after that  how would his city be equally prosperous? That's when he thought of making Dubai the no.1 tourist destination to keep the money flowing.
In 1994, he commissioned the tallest hotel in the world, Burj Al Arab. He din't stop there... then he decided to make Palm Islands, World Islands and now the tallest building in the world, Burj Dubai. In between there are some 45 malls, world's biggest airport and mall (under construction), gold city and millions of square feet of real estate are few of the thing's he's done to keep the international money coming in.


Why can't our government do something like this? We're not asking for tallest hotel or tallest building or biggest mall. No, all we want is better infrastructure, better roads & water supply, better public transport & health care, better education & employment, better governance & accountability for our money. And we're not even talking about European and American cities.

Has anyone every thought, in the coming few years...
...when Dubai's World & Palm islands and Burj Dubai would be completed, how many tourists we would be loosing?
...when China's image would improve in front of the world (which its trying so hard), how much business we'd be loosing due to our "paper & gum" infrastructure?


What will it take for our politicians to understand that, in their cat and mouse blame game and petty hate talks, its we citizens who're the worst hit. We're suffering every minute, and with each passing day our international competitors are going ahead. Is it really that difficult to see the bigger picture?

WIPERS

Here's a thought people....

Since Ford Model T to Bugatti Veyron and u-turn with a Tata Nano...our cars have come a long way. From 3 Cylinders to V12 Turbo charged engines...and from brake drums to ceramic disc brakes, we've been through a lot. The automobile technology has evolved faster than the human race ever did.
But there is one thing that has stayed as it is...the way it was on the first day. That is, the wiper. No, I am not talking about the Dodge Viper. I mean that sleek black thing that pretends to cleans your windshield. Just take a moment and think about it, we have heard people appreciating various cars for various reasons... like a gearbox, acceleration, dashboard, seats, the grills on the bonnet, turbo charger, sleek body lines, brakes, alloys, huge windscreen, engine, seat belts, door handles...etc etc. But have you ever heard anyone talking about a car's wipers? No. Simply because there is nothing to talk about it. The wiper on an Indian Autorickshaw is more or less the same as the one that's there on a Mercedes expect for Autorickshaws have only one and Merc. has two. Ok maybe not, maybe a bit different, but not much, looks and works in the same way.

I simply, can't accept the fact that even after all this technological advances, we haven't been able to improve the design of a wiper.

Wonder why Formula One cars don't have a wiper...? Not because they don't have a windshield, but because they were embarrassed that they being what they are - 'the F1' ....couldn't make a better wiper, and so they scrapped the idea of windshield and wipers all together.

Why can't there be a car which can be admired for its wipers?