Future Of Shopping

Over the past few months mankind has done a lot of stupid things and people have started to wonder if we as a race have already peaked. Let's keep that for discussion for another. For now, let's talk about what's good about our species as agreed upon unanimously but the entire population: 1. Jennifer Lawrence 2. Aston Martin 3. Curiosity.

Welcome back! Now, since you're back after drooling over #1 & #2's images on Google, let's talk about #3. Curiosity is one of the best things about human kind. It is this curiosity that makes us want to ride a tractor on Mars, dive to the bottom of the ocean to find out Kate Winslet's sketches and give Miley Cyrus a chance to perform on stage to find out the depth of the human stupidity. All these won't have been possible without us being curious. People have often been curious about their future. In fact, this has given rise to a new industry consisting of astrologers, palmists, face readers, tantriks, tarot card reads and others. Though it's not yet officially recognized, according to a research the "Curiosity Industry" is 10 times more profitable than IT, Pharma, Petroleum, Infrastructure and Auto Industries combined.

The other day, I also got curious to find out what curiosity feels like. I started wondering about future and how we the every aspect of our daily life would be different than what it is today. Say, in the year 2030 how would be eat, shop, communicate, commute and work. I believe a bunch of these issues will be solved by eBay.

Picture this:

- You wake up. You go to brush your teeth, but you're out of toothpaste. 

So what'll you do? You'll log on to eBay, and choose whichever toothpaste you're looking to buy.

Since we'll be a lot more environment conscious, we'll never throw away our empty toothpastes but just refill it. That too from the comfort of your home. Just place it in a toothpaste vending machine and the chemicals in the machine will blend in the toothpaste of your choice and refill it for you.

Based on whichever toothpaste you want, you will buy it from the respective company, say, Pepsodent, and then that company will send a set recipe (closely guarded secret of the company) of the paste to your TVM, which will then read the instructions and blend all the ingredients+chemicals and churn out the paste for you.

- Now it's time for your morning coffee. 

So will you make it? Simple, go to your eBay and buy yourself a coffee.

Go to the eBay shop of your favorite cafe - Barista, Cafe Coffee Day, Starbucks or any other. Select your cafe and your fav. coffee and after check out, your system will instruct your coffee machine via bluetooth as to which coffee to make and how to make it. Hence, you never have to worry that your homemade cappuccino never tastes as good as Starbucks'. Once you've bought the coffee, Starbucks will tell the coffee machine the type of beans to grind and the amount of milk and water to add and voila! Your cuppa is ready!

What's more, you don't have to take the pains of selecting the coffee every morning when you're getting late for work. Just set up a monthly pack of Cappuccino and set the time in your Account settings and everyday, without you logging on, the Coffee Machine will be make the coffee and will be ready for you when you wake up. We do have coffee machines with timers available but this one will give you coffee from whichever cafe you want. You can even program upto 30 different settings for different days of the week for different members of the family. So now, on Mondays, you can have capuccino from CCD while your wife can have Decaf from Barista, while on Tuesdays, you can have hot chocolate while she's have black tea. And with so many different settings (30 in total), you can even program it to have different types of coffee on different days. All of this courtesy of eBay.

- Okay now you're hungry and looking for some breakfast.

So what'll you do?  Simple. Stand in front of your wall - which also projects images from internet , and by tell whisper it to the voice assistant hidden in the wall to take you to eBay. (Not to mention, the phrase "deewaron ke bhi kaan hote hai" will became a reality in 2013).

Since it's your breakfast time, a simple "hand to mouth" gesture will be sufficient for eBay to take you to your fav. deli/breakfast place list. Once there, select whichever breakfast you feel like having. Just like the coffee, here too the bluetooth will send instruction to your automated 3D food printer. The food printer is capable of reproducing from a combination of 18000 textures, 42000 smells and 57000 colours. Any combination of these textures, smells and colours can be processed instantly by the Intel i91 chip that's inside. The 3D printer has edible dyes and edible paper to replicate real food to 99.97% detail. Not just that, just so that you also get nutrients with your food, the 3D Food Printer will inject vitamins, minerals, carbs, fat, proteins, amino acids etc. in the food that the product coming out of the food printer will be exactly like the real food even in nutritional value.

Guess, what? As an exclusive feature to eBay, you can even tune the nutritional value. So, just because you're on a strict diet doesn't mean you can't have a rich pastry. eBay's partnership with all the fast-food and restaurant franchisee ensures that you get the exact taste what you'd get outside but without feeling guilty. So now, for the first time, you'll have liberty to eat that cheesy burger and those fries but with 90% less fat content. Diabetes is no longer going to stop you from having that chocolate mousse. All thanks to 3D Food Printers and eBay.

- So breakfast is done, what next? You're right, next is riding a horse.

But wait, you don't have riding shoes. Nor you have riding pants and riding jacket. So, what should you do? Simple, head to eBay and check out the latest range of shoes and attire. And what next? No, you're wrong. It'll be stupid to have a bluetooth enabled giant textile machine and a shoe maker (or whatever it's machine is called). Why would you even thing about that? So after you've chosen you shoe, just place the order. The webcam which till 2013 was used for Skyping, now also scans you from head to toe and takes exact measurement of your body. This info is now sent to nearest automated garment factory. This one factory will be able to sew any type of cloth in any fashion in minutes.

This means, 1. Not bothering that an item bought online might not fit you. 2. Never having to worry about a particular store not stocking all the items.

Designers' showrooms will be replaced by state-of-the-art, fully-automated garment factories which would be much more efficient. Since the transportation of ready-made clothes is out of the question, the clothes will be much more cheaper. No itinerary overhang, hence, you don't have to worry about a store stocking out-of-fashion garments but last season's stock ain't sold. 

Now, the entire collection is online, everything is in stock and everything fits. Just choose your garment and leave the rest to eBay and the designer. 

- So what will you do after the horse riding? No, you're wrong. Not lunch. You feel off the horse and broke your ankle. You don't know how to ride a horse, remember? So now, it's hospital time.

The doctor thinks your ankle is badly injured. He needs titanium plates to insert in your hell and ankle. But since the nation is planning to launch a rocket to JackSparrow - 4th planet of the star NinjaAssassin, the titanium is scarce. Due to this scarcity, it's prices have gone so high that to buy you, the doctor might have to sell your liver. So now it's a battle between football and vodka. Just then, doctor has an eureka moment and decides to buy those titanium cufflinks that Sir Ravindra Jadeja wore in his 15th 007 movie 'From Rajkot With Love', that are up for auction on eBay. He used those cufflinks to hold your ankle in place. Because, why not? If they can hold His Highness Sir Sri Sri Lord Ravindra Jadeja's sleeves in places, can't be just stick a mortal human being's bones?

Since the surgery took so long, you access eBay app from your mobile - a piece of foldable screen twice the size of a credit card, and order Chicken Tikka from Copper Chimney. But since doctor has asked you to cut down on spice, you customize your food - tune down the masala factor and raise the proteins & vitamins. And when you reach home, all you have to do is hop (like, literally) to the 3D Food Printer, take out hot food and eat it.

This is a typical day in the life of a homo sapien sapien bluray.

This is about 2030. However, if you're curious to know how you can buy on eBay right now, check out: bit.ly/eBayCheck_Extention

Nokia Apptasting IndiBlogger Meet: A Punny Evening

Many nights ago, I received an email regarding the Nokia Apptasting IndiBlogger Meet. Not being the type who'd miss out on free food a bloggers' meet, I instantly registered for it. Also, it being the first Mumbai meet where "drinks" would be served, you really can't say no, right? If I didn't know better, I'd think that Indiblogger.com was trying to create anarchy; a drunk person with a blog at his disposal - can you possibly get a more potent combination? Turns out, Indiblogger & Nokia were just being gracious hosts, and were serving drinks so that everyone can have a good time. Also, there are unconfirmed reports that one Mr. Wild Phoenix who trolled the Indiblogger team for organizing the Mumbai meet on 15th August, issued a "Fatwa" against Indiblogger team, warning them not to organize any more meets on dry days. Finally the meetup was scheduled on 19th August, and to make sure the hungry people coming from as far as Thane, Ethopia & Sierra Leone (It's a country, you idiot; not Sunny Leone's sister) can get a ride back home early, the timing was adjusted such that the event would end by 10.30pm.

The day before the meet, I got a call from Vineet who wanted to confirm my attendance. Being a good friend that I am, I volunteered to reach early and help them empty the bottles with the event. When I reached the venue - Taj Lands End, it was familiar sight. Nostalgia, I was welcomed with the same "freeloader" look from the guards, that I received at the Hotel Sea Princess on 15th August, 2010. That's because, the only person who is less looked down upon than a guy who gets down from an autorickshaw and makes his way to the entrance of a 5 star is a guy who's sitting at home on a Tuesday afternoon writing a blog about an event he attended on Sunday. Erm... nevermind. You see, when you WALK in to 5-star hotel wearing jeans & tee with a backpack, and tell them you're there for a bloggers' event; the doorman doesn't let you inside the hotel fearing you'd steal flower vase from the lobby. Instead, he'll direct towards the banquet through an outside entrance. As a social experiment, go to the same hotel in a car, wearing a blazer; a gorgeous lady with the sweetest smile will welcome you, and you'll be given a seat next to a 1700 year old vase from the Ching Dynasty. Bloody clothists.

After the wardrobe discrimination, I reached the Ballroom entrance and found myself in company of Indiblogger staff. After exchanging pleasantries, we made our way in the Ballroom which was lit up in Nokia Blue. As more and more people started coming in, the conversation more-or-less revolved around one topic - "Apptasting." While the foodies thought they're in for a treat with hoards of appetizers, the tech+grammar nazis were frowning at what they thought was a typo. Some people just don't get the f(p)un part. (You saw what I did there? Did you? No? Okay.)

Soon the evening kickstarted with chants of "Hurr Hurr Hurr", which sounded more like the mating call of ring-tailed Lemur found in Madagascar. Indiblogger's Anoop (who was a bit tipsy) took the center-stage along with the Indiblogger team and gave a brilliant tribute to the city of Mumbai. After hi5's and warm hugs, everyone got seated and embraced for an evening of fun & frolic. Masterchef & Gadget Guru are two adjectives that have been used a zillion times for these learned men but there's really no better way to describe the 'Masterchef' Vikas Khanna & the 'Gadget Guru' Rajiv Makhni. One makes makhni, while the other one is himself Makhni (okay, I stole that line from Vikas). Guys who couldn't get a seat next to a girl were regretting, but once Vikas & Rajiv took the stage, those who actually managed seats next to a girl(s), were regretting even more since all the ladies couldn't get enough of giggling and drooling at the hosts. Can't blame them given the fact that one was voted the hottest chef in New York and the other, hottest anchor on Indian television.

It being a Nokia event, the duo showcased the new apps and technology developed by Nokia in recent times. Being a Nokia (Windows Phone) user, I've always been interested in the new apps being developed in Nokia's labs. Must say, with the technical expertise of Microsoft and Nokia, some the new apps that are being developed are simply spectacular.

This event was attended by 3 types of people - 1. Tech freaks 2. Foodies 3. Free-booze lovers. Knowing this, Nokia had developed apps that would interested all three cults.

One of the apps showcased was Nokia City Lens. I'm familiar with this app ever since Rajiv featured it in his show few weeks back. Since then I've been waiting for it, and from the Nokia sources I've learnt that it'll be available from 28th of this month. Finally. Using this app, you can simply point the phone in any direction and can get a list of places nearby in that direction. You can even get the address and phone number of the place. Sounds great. Now I can get the phone number of that hot chick living down the lane by simply pointing my phone towards her apartment. Heck, why stop at her, I can even get Katrina & Deepika's phone number. In which case, I'll give this app 5 stars.

As far as foodies are concerned, there's a Food and Wine Pairing app which will help them pair their food with wine. IMO this app will be particularly useful for people like me who swear by their beer & whiskey but doesn't know a thing about wine except for their color. It's apps like these that lets you sit next to a 1700 year old Chinese vase. 

 

When Vikas & Rajiv asked the audience about their dream apps, people went berserk with their thought process and came up with apps ranging from a politically correct app that can enable one to vote to an app that can find the perfect man; and everything in between. Yours truly suggested an app that can determine how drunk you are. Thankfully, Nokia already has an app for it called Alcohol in Blood. 

Obviously, I was the lab rat to test the app and since Rajiv thought I was too drunk to drive home, I was given a consolation gift - a Portable USB Charger by Nokia. 

And when you get a prize, you always have that one friend who will ask you something totally dumb and irrelevant. Looking at this charger, an Indiblogger friend (name withheld on request) asked that if he connected that USB at the top with micro-USB at the bottom, will it charge itself? No points for guessing that he's single and desperate to mingle.

I hope others who won prizes didn't went through such torturous questions. Oh yes, I said prizes. There were many, many prizes. '30 seconds of fame' - one of the quintessential sessions of every indiblogger meet was given a new twist this time around. Randomly, bloggers were called up on the stage and were required to choose a side - foodie (Vikas) or techie (Rajiv), and tell everyone why they're foodie or techie. Wittiest ones won prizes. This session was allotted 45 mins and when Indiblogger team learnt that when you give 30 seconds to 250 people, in some cultures, that takes more than 2 hours, they decided that only a handful of lucky people (randomly selected by computer, or so we think) will get a chance to showcase their witty side. One question that Vikas & Rajiv asked every blogger who came to the stage was, "What do you think connects Food & Technology?" I'm surprised no one could come up with the right answer. It's simple.
What connects Food & Technology? - Instagram.

Another contest included chopping onions in a particular fashion as displayed by Vikas. While a female won it hands down, few guy participants made the onion look like Hiroshima. As they say, 'the hand that chops the onion, wins the prize.' It's difficult not having a quiz competition when you have the quiz masters in house. Rajiv & Vikas hosted a hilarious quiz consisting of 4 teams. This was the first quiz witnessed by me (and probably, everyone) where you'd get extra points for dancing and where a True or False question, if answered incorrectly, can be passed on to the other team. At the end of tons of falling-off-the-chair laughter and a blind fold guess-the-ingredients test, an all-girls team won this tech+food quiz. They won Nokia Lumia handsets. Not bad for guesswork.

This meet also marked 5th year Anniversary (I wonder why it's not called 5th Birthday?) of Indiblogger. Everyone celebrated this occasion with a huge cake (Indibaby thought this was a football pitch made of chocolate) and a group photo.

After the cake, it was time for a stampede to get photographed with Rajiv & Vikas. And then dinner, which was delicious. Had a fun post-event interaction with both - Vikas & Rajiv; it was great to see how down-to-earth and humble both these guys are, despite their stature. 

In short, it was an evening well spent courtesy Indiblogger, Nokia, Rajiv Makhni & Vikas Khanna; despite the fact that I wasn't allowed to go near the 1700 year old vase.

Ramzan Trail

If you happen to be in Mumbai and a nonveg worshiper or a bicurious (with bicurious I mean, someone who's curious about veg as well as nonveg delicacies), you have to, I mean absofuckinlutely have to visit Mohammed Ali Road atleast once during the holy month of Ramzan. It's almost like a ritual for nonveg lovers.

So, after the Mohd. Ali Road plan getting screwed up multiple times, our stomachs did a round table conference for full 127seconds and finally decided to go there on Wednesday night (about 4 days before Eid).

I'll start from the time when I reached Grant Road Station as Miillee (ex Miss Safedi ki Chamkar from Indibloggers meetup) suggested that its nearer to MAR (Mohd. Ali Road) compared to Churchgate. Guess she was correct, or maybe not. Anyways, so she being a sweet girl that she is (not), she reached before time. She had told me that she's bringing her sister alongwith, which was one of the rare good news I heard from her in a long time. So, I being a gentleman came perfectly on time at 8.30ish. Apparently, we both were looking for some cash and so decided to meetup at this particular ATM. I walked towards the said place and there she was, standing in blue jeans, bluish top & a turquoise umbrella with FRILLS. :O

Knowing the kinda nice guy I am, Miilee never bothered to introduce me to her sister, Janhavi and so I had to introduced myself with casual hi-hello. Since the girls came before me, they utilized the time well by using the ATM and it was my turn now. Apparently, the ATM was already occupied by a fat lady who was taking more time to take the cash out then it would take for you to read this crap that I've written. At this point I thought of going and telling her that since she's taking so long, she can take out some cash for me as well. My bad, she heard my loud mental thoughts and rushed out. Anyways, so after taking out the cash & knowing the per capital income of Dharavi in the form of my bank balance, we took a cab and headed towards MAR. In the cab, a very genuine and formal discussion took place between me and Jahanvi as to why we both think that Miilee is a "blonde".

In a while we reached some place leading upto MAR and owing to the smooth traffic, we decided to leave the Cab and walk with half a million other people towards MAR to meet all the other guys who were waiting for us. Finally, we reached Suleiman Mithaiwala and met Ranjeet (the man-in-charge), Rajesh (the guy with the car), Mohit (a typical engineer. *hi5*) & Harmanjit (the guy who thought he was duped, as he was the first & only one to reach at one point of time). :P

From there Mr. Ranjeet took the charge and informed that, we'll be starting our food endeavor not from this tourist place where all the amateurs eat but from this other place called Baarahandi or something, which is less crowded and where all the pros hog. Sounded like a plan. Indeed it was. Walked through the traffic for a while and reached at this quite looking lane where a couple of food joints were visible. Ranjeet told us that this where we'll start bothering our collective digestive systems and so we obliged.

Anyone who's even partially aware about having food at road side stalls know that the sensitivity of your tastebuds is directly proportion to your distance from the drainage. Okay, please stop making those weird faces and be honest, we all know the source of water in which they cook those delicacies and honestly speaking, the "water" adds a peculiar flavor without which it'll taste just like our home food (healthy & tasteless). :P

Anyways, so the same thing happened to me. At baara handi we ordered Paya Soup, Nalli nihari & but ofcourse Baara Handi. While everyone else were indulging in the food I could barely taste let alone smell it, only to realize that I was sitting at the furtherest end of the table barely a chair away from the drainage opening. :-S I somehow tried to squeeze myself towards the inside of the table and away from the coverless drainage opening and literally buried my nose (well, almost) thrice into the food and finally jump started my taste buds. Baara handi simply means 12 bowls. It consists of 12 different types of curries whose taste I can't describe it to you, as my tongue was hibernating at that time. Then I tried Nalli nihari which is basically the thigh bone according to Ranjeet. They told me, its tasty but what I ate was certainly a thigh bone of a leprosy patient. At this point of time, Mohit told us a creepy story about his childhood. When his mom used to make Nalli nihari, he'd eat the meat off the bone and use thigh bone as straw to drink the curry. Wow, now that'll make any schizophrenic bone collector proud. :| Though I tasted Paaya Soup, I'm not the right person to tell you, how it tastes? I'm not a soup person, so it's better you try it out yourself.

After that funny experience, as we were about to move, it started pouring. So all the wise men (baring me ofcourse) decided to give their valueable belongings like wallet, mobile phone & Rajesh's bone shattering Blackberry to Miilee as she was the only one who had a big bag and a bigger umbrella (with FRILLS).

Just 25 yards later we saw this place....

...and couldn't resist sitting by the hot grill in crazy rain. We had 3 different types of chicken - green, white & saffron colored; which was aptly named Chicken Tiranga. I, being a chicken enthusiast hogged onto it till everyone stood up from their seats making me look like an Ethiopian drought victim.

Just then Ranjeet announced that its time for all of us to bid adieu to the lane of pros and head back to the more famous, tourist lane for more food. This post is already too long, so without boring you guys (those, you've managed to read this far without fainting, sleeping or killing themselves) with the route that we passed by and the number of steps we took, I'll direct take to the destination.

*Cut to the famous lane on MAR where most people hog.*

Our food guide, Ranjeet ordered couple of Khichdas. For those wondering, what it is? It's basically Khichdi on steroids. In other words you can say, it's the nonveg loving hubby of Khichidi ben. :P

Since 6 of us were sharing 2 Khichdas, I never got the actual meat piece which is the essence of it and so my opinion towards Khichdi, Khichda & their kids is indifferent as far. In the middle of all this Miilee drank all the remaining liquid from the bowl showing us what a Khichda sucking pest she is. I know, you could've lived your life without reading that line, but it was such a nice phrase that I had coined for Miilee at that time,  that I couldn't resist putting it here. :P (Sorry Miilee. *hi5* Jahnvi)

Following which we went to the next lane to a downmarket restaurant as we thought it was a bit too filthy to sit outside, only to come and sit outside a minute later for reasons yet not known to mankind & me.

While Ranjeet was still busy outside, trying to figure out where else we can eat. The rest of us thought of ordering a couple of things just so that we're allowed to sit in  the wet chairs instead of standing in the rains. So, we ordered Chicken 65 which strangely had only 15 pieces. No kidding. :/

Also, the manager thought that it'll be cute if he'd order half-cooked Kheeri for us. To add to the misery, when asked for green chutney, he gave us a Chlorine based flourescent green pesticide. Impressive!

These is the second of the two pics I could take before which my cellphone battery passed out.

After tasting some Chlorine, we had a genuinely genius idea of learning about a goat's anatomy by tasting its different organs. Hence, we moved to a food stall next door and had Bheja Fry (yes its actually a dish and not just a lingo that Harmanjit thinks it to be), Gurda Fry Masala (after putting the goat on dialysis) & Kaleji (cut a goat's heart out, add salt & masala & fry it. Basically its the same thing that your exes have done to you).

By the time, we finished our goat, our media friends Abhinn, Anil, Subhashish & Prasanth had arrived with their colleagues . Much to their horror, we were almost done by then and so they had to hog on their own without any help from us. And while they were at it, we made ourselves diabetes prone by heading over to Noorani Mithaiwala. Everyone  outside of me had Lassi and I being a non-sweet-toothed creature, tasted Malpua as if obliging. Huh, lucky them! :P

After this we all unanimously agreed that we shouldn't have anything more else the blog post will become harrowingly long and so we headed home. The contents of what happened after leaving MAR till we reached home would not be disclosed by any of us, as agreed upon. :P


Note: The font colors are not just for show or to keep the readers anchored to the blog, they automatically appears as I write the name of any food item, representing the ideal color of that delicacy.