Quotable Quotes

These are my annoying thoughts. This was my way of telling the world, what goes on in my mind, pre-twitter era. Feel free to hate me if you came here thinking you'll get to see inspirational quotes.

1. Last week I joined anger management classes...on the first day, the instructor asked me to stand up to answer him and so I punched him....Now, he is taking SELF DEFENSE CLASSES from me.

2. My friend thought his gf was hotter than mine. To settle the debate we decide to throw both of them in a house on fire, whoever comes out first is the hotter one..........Now I'm single and my friend has a bf to eliminate any future competition.

3. I don't care if my ass hurts for next half an hour or I die in 3 days or bad luck haunts me for 294 years or that I get 13 holes in my chaddi...I am not gonna pass your chain mail, no matter what. Jo ukhadna hai ukhad le. :P

4. Indians vs Australians ...
INDIAN says "mainu ki", AUSSIE hears "monkey";
garib INDIAN chiddi nikal ke do sandas sabke beech, amir AUSSIE kapdey nikal ke do sunbath on the beach;
INDIANS say "Simon, go back!!", AUSSIES say "Symonds, go back!!!" :P :P :P

5. To err is human...to screw up is divine. Hate divinity unless its mine.

6. People send me "how well do you know me?" requests on facebook, I don't understand why? How am I supposed to know how many pink polka dots you have in you chaddi OR how many hair you have on your left eyebrow OR the length of your right toe nail OR on which days you use water & on which days you use tissue paper ???? HOW? HOW? HOW?!?!?!?!?!?

7. STATUS : I write, people read; I write, people like; I write, people comment; I write, people smile; I write, people frown; I write, people bitch; I write, people appreciate..... Gossshhh, I've got such JOBLESS people in my friends list... :P

8. Since you have my new #,now some do's & dont's.

1) No drunk calls.

2) Don't call on my parent's #,if u can't get me. Don't disturb them.

3) Don't ask me, "why it was 'not reachable' ?" How would I know, I dont hold the tower :P

4) Don't transfer the call on my no. if ur gf's dad calls you up...I care a shit.

5) Don't call me 26times back-to-back,if I dont receive 1st time,I wont receive next 25times either,coz m busy.

9. If you're one of those who bathe more than once (twice, thrice, 6, 12....times a day) doesn't mean you're a cleanliness freak. It simply means you're sooooo dirty that you don't get clean the first time. :P

10. Sadly most facebookers still don't understand the concept of 'Like'. When someone's status reads..."Got my intestine removed", "Spent last night in a lock up", "My wife ran away with my sister", "Lost $742 million in stocks", "My parents had disown me" etc etc... please DO NOT click 'Like' & give thumbs up. It's not just stupid, IT'S SICK!!!

11. Had Julius Caesar been a lady, the quote would've been... "She came, she shopped, she whispered." .... :P

12. "If relationships are complicated, why the hell its called chemistry and not calculus (i mean mathematics) ???" :O

13.CHEMISTRY SIMPLIFIED : When 2 Oxygens are having a candle light dinner and a Carbon breaks in and becomes 'kabaab mein haddi'...its called Carbon Dioxide. When 2 Hydrogens and an Oxygen have a threesome its called water. When 6 Carbon Dioxide & 6 Waters party together in Photosynthesis Discotheque, 6 Oxygen couples go home together while 6 Carbon, 12 Hydrogen & 6 Oxygen remain together and make a mess known as sugar.

Explanation...(not part of status but comments) :

C + O2 = CO2 (Carbon Dioxide)

H2 + O = H2O (Water)

6CO2 + 6H2O = C6H12O6 (Sugar) + 6O2 --- Photosynthesis.

14. I'm so happy that I'm not a celebrity....which means I don't have to get drunk and kill people sleeping on the footpath OR hunt endangered species like black buck OR rape my maid OR get my jeans unbuttoned on the ramp OR go to someone's bday party and fight with his bf OR etc etc.... Phewww...what a relief!!!

15. "Why is there no option of "Report" on own profile? If god doesn't stop me from killing others as well as my ownself...why do fb lets me report others but stops me from reporting myself? What if I have split personality and my other self wants to block me? Bummer... "

16. "You see a full solar eclipse when the earth's walking down the pavement and exactly parallel you see moon overtaking the sun from the left side."

17. ENGLISH IS A VERY PHUNNY LANGUAGE : The antonym of antonym is synonym, but synonym of synonym is not antonym its also synonym. Which means, Synonym is 'a bully' while Antonym is 'a pushover'. (pun, bun, phunn...everything intended) :P

18. If you name your child "Aajtak"...there's a great possibility that he would break Usain Bolt, Michael Phelps & Michael Schumacher's world records... because Aajtak is "SABSE TEZ"... :P

19. For Himesh Reshammiya, what is even more terrifying than a heart attack? ---- Blocked Nose... :P

20. "I don't understand why people take those stupid quizzes. I dont want a stupid application to tell me...in which position I should sit while watching TV OR what I should order for starters at a restaurant OR what time I should go to loo OR how many characters I should put in my status OR the name of the person I should buy my stationary from. Its my life, its my wish. SCREW YOU...STUPID MORONIC APPLICATIONS."

21. Anu Malik's theory of creativity states that "my music is copied and choried from English Songs". Its equation form is.... E = mc2 (square)

where; E is English Songs, m is my music, c2 (c square) is copy & chori. :D