What if women ruled the earth? - Part 1

Q. What if women ruled the earth?
A. Blackberry Boys would be replaced by Strawberry Girls.

Even the famous Blackberry Boys jingle would be rewritten.

In a world run by men....

We wear cool suits
We wear shiny Shoes
We’re the Blackberry Boys
Oh yeah
We’re the Blackberry Boys
We’re special, we’re clever
We’re very very clever
We’re the Blackberry Boys
Oh yeah
We’re the Blackberry Boys
We do chat
and we do mail
We do surf
We do all on the move
Oooo, ooo, ooo, hoooo
Cos We’re the Blackberry Boys
Oh yeah
We’re the Blackberry Boys
Na na na
We’re the Blackberry Boys
Oh yeah
We’re the Blackberry Boys
In a world run by women... 

We wear cool clothes
We wear shiny gloss
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls
We’re hot, we’re sexy
We’re very very lazy
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls
We do gossip
and we do bitching
We do makeup
We do all on the move
Oooo, ooo, ooo, hoooo
Cos We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Na na na
We’re the Strawberry Girls
Oh yeah
We’re the Strawberry Girls

Here's the video. Guys, I dare you to sing it with new lyrics.
If any guy actually manages to sing the new lyrics perfectly in sync with the video...go get yourself a butterfly tattoo on your belly next to that pierced belly button. NOW.

*Disclaimer: Girls you know I still love you all, right? This post was probably posted when my account was hacked or maybe when I was stoned. Either ways, it wasn't me. ;)

Theory of Karma

According to Oxford English Dictionary


noun (in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as affecting their future fate.

- DERIVATIVES karmic adjective.

- ORIGIN Sanskrit, "action, effect, fate".

According to Wikipedia
Karma (Sanskrit: Karma, - "act, action, performance") is the concept of "action" or "deed" in Indian religions understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect (i.e., the cycle called sa%u1E43sara) originating in ancient India and treated in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist philosophies.

Different theories of Karma

THEORY 1 : This is the most wide spread theory rooted inside everyone's psyche, that your actions and your deeds determine what you get in return. As quoted in a popular English saying

THEORY 2 : I would like to call this one as, "THE CARRY FORWARD THEORY".
The way you've lead your past life based on that the blessings/luck/favor are determined for this life.

THEORY 3 : The good & bad deeds that you've performed in this life gets you into either heaven or hell after your death.



From our childhood we have learnt that whatever we do to others, good or bad, we receive the same treatment in return. We always receive the fruits of our labour in this life only. If we hurt or betray someone, we receive the same treatment in return. If we help an old lady by carrying her groceries, we would surely be rewarded at some point time for that good deed. Sure, its always nice to be ummm...nice.

Do you seriously think that is true?


Okay, lets have a closer look.
  • Contradiction 1.1 : So, have you every used the words, "hard luck", "oh, that was really unlucky" or "luckily, he got the job" ???
    So, then, if LUCK too plays an important role in getting you a job or making you miss the train by a few seconds because of bad traffic on the way to the station; then how come karma which is supposed to be the "core of life" let luck interfere in its personal matters.

  • Contradiction 1.2 : Now, lets switch our attention to something else, something which every damn human being wants to achieve after he's done and dusted i.e. the heaven (or hell in certain cases).
    Every religion, may it be Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism or any other religion, all have one thing in common, actually its two...heaven and hell.

    I don't understand that if we get the fruits of our deeds (good or bad) here only, on the earth itself than on what basis will we be going to heaven/hell after our death? No government (except for the Taliban) or court of law gives two punishments for the same crime. This is in direct contradiction to theory no. 3.

  • Contradiction 1.3 : But, what about theory no. 2? Well, well, well... there can't be a greater contradiction between two theories (except for the theory of gravity and earth sucks theory) than the one found between theories 1 & 2. Now, if you carry forward your sins/deeds from your past life and based on that you get the ripe or rotten fruits in this one, then how come the karma or should I say 'instant karma' (the one pertaining to this life exclusively) actually exist?


According to this theory, the sins I did in the past life will screw up this life and the good deed of the previous life would make me be that envy-of-all / born-with-silver-spoon / million-dollar-baby from the day I was born.
Well, that explains some being born with blue blood while the rest of us trying to make those extra few dollars here & there by bloging and adding Google ads on the right hand column.
  • Contradiction 2.1 : But, if this is true than what about the widely accepted "Instant Karma" Theory? If this theory is true than how would you explain some one born in poverty and living the same way for the rest of his life inspite of being completely honest while some one else lives a very luxurious & extravagant life even if he's a drug mafia, hit man or a terrorist?
    But, this is in direct contradiction with theory 1 and infers contradiction 1.3, that there is something apart from karma that determines whether you are born as a slum dog or a jet setter.

  • Contradiction 2.2 : If theory 2 is accepted then it directly eliminates any remote possibility of the existence of heaven & hell i.e. theory 3. A person won't be serving his time in heaven or hell simply because he will be doing it in his next life. In other words, as soon as a person dies, a complex calculation is done about the deeds he acted upon in his life and based on that, after a while at the very next possibility he is born in a form and life closest to his resulting average character, back on the face of the earth (i.e. if you don't consider the aliens) or maybe somewhere in the universe (i.e. if you do consider them).


As far as I know all the religions in the world believe that there are 3 worlds, namely; the earth, the heaven and the hell. Now, in order to determine whether you'll be going to serve your sentence in heaven or hell, this is what is done. Once you're dead, a simple arithmetic is done, between your good and bad deeds.
Say, you've done 40% sins and 60% virtues in your lifetime; you will be having 60-40 = 20% virtues to your name. Now, multiply the average virtues to those 20%. Say, your average virtues were 10 vpd (virtues per day), for a period of 50 years, then your time in heaven would be 20 * 10 * 365 = 73,000 heaven units*.

Lets say, if it's the other way around. 40% virtues and 60% sins with an average of 5 spd (sins per day), for 50 years, you'd be serving in hell a total of 20 * 5 * 365 = 36,500 hell units*.
  • Contradiction 3.1 : If theory 3 holds true then there is no point bothering about the instant karma. Whatever it is, good or bad; we would be receiving it after our death in heaven or hell. That completely falsifies theory 1.

  • Contradiction 3.2 : If theory 3 is true then why would we get hurt or why would something bad happen to us? Anyways, our soul would be getting the punishments for any wrong doing upstairs then why should we suffer in the human form too? One might argue that as the sins of the other person, but in anyway, that is inflicted upon us which cannot be completely justified by theory 3.

  • Contradiction 3.3 : Also, if the past life's deeds have any say in the current one then we can completely abolish the existence of and serving in heaven and hell, inferring contradiction 2.2
* hell units/heaven units can be anything like seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years; depending upon the guidelines laid by the hell or heaven master respectively.

Deeds - Subjective or Objective?

You see there are 2 types way of judging any competition or sport or else anything else, that can get you some kind of reward.
  1. Objective
  2. Subjective
Objective is something that can be counted. A reward is based on a clear cut set guidelines which earn points on achieving certain objective. Say, a Formula 1 race, it has objective results. The first person to finish the race is the winner, even for that matter he has the worst looking car....it doesn't insignificant. This rule is standard all over the world. Thus, we all love objective type of ruling and judgments, simply because of its fairness.

On the other hand, subjective judgment, varies from person to person. A beauty pageant can be called as subjective. Different judges would be having a different winner in his/her mind. The collective points of these judges would give an average lead to one of the competitors and thus crowned the winner. But, such subjective judgments are often criticized for being biased or unfair at times in view of someone or the other.

I could've easily omitted the above 2 paragraphs and would've saved you from the misery of reading it, but I still went ahead and wrote it, just to make you feel a bit disinterested only to bring your interest back in the next paragraphs and surprise you!!! :)
Or maybe not... :-S

Anyways, so since we are thorough with the concept of beauty pageants subjective and objective judgment lets move forward and find out whether deeds are subjective or objective.

Well, logic says that the deeds need to be objective in order to derive a proper and unbiased result for subjective out comes!!!

But here, the logic would be DEFIED...

Yes, its true, deeds ARE subjective. Let us take a minute and switch our attention to something else...SOUL

It is said that....
A body can die, soul can't.
The soul is not big or small...from the smallest insect to a microbe to a human being, they're all equal.

Well well well, what do we have here....ALL SOULS ARE EQUAL ?!?!?!?!
Let's grill this statement further and look for more evidences....shall we? :)

Okay, so all the souls are equal. Whether its a human being, a platypus or a tadpole...all have equal souls. So, that directly translates as....killing a mosquito is the same as murdering someone on the streets. Only difference here would be, that the mosquito would be flying and the person walking. If souls are equal, then why do people consider killing a person a lot more sinful than killing a mosquito? Shan't we understand that its just the body that is different in size, but the soul's not. It remains the same and will always be, may it be for a blue whale or a bacteria.

Could that mean, that getting rid of an ant's nest in your backyard is equivalent to a massacre of a hundred thousand people? Or is there something more to it?

Of course, there is.
How can we forget that deeds ARE subjective and so killing a living organism (read a soul) is different for different living beings based on their size. From our childhood we have been taught that all souls are equal at the same time it was engraved into our minds that killing an ant is not a big deal but killing the neighbor's dog..surely is.
So, is it possible that killing an ant would earn you 2 sin points (that would be later converted to sins in percentage on the judgment day as explained in theory 3) while killing a human would earn something like 2500 sin points and a blue whale maybe 43,000 sin points?

So, I think it would be be safe to say that even though we've been taught that the soul doesn't have shape, size or structure and that all the souls are equal, still they are discriminated based on the shape, size and structure of the body they acquire in visible form.
Also, a conclusion could be drawn that, doesn't matter how objective and justified the structure or calculating deeds may look like, it still is very much subjective and unjustified.

Doesn't matter how conscious we are of our rights, we are still pretty much unconscious of the very thing that we should be conscious of i.e. our after life conclusion architecture.
We might calculate and fight for those redeemable brownie points that we earn after the Christmas shopping or we might keep a track of the no. of credit miles we have left on our petro card, but ironically, we are completely illiterate about the calculations of the no. of miles that we would be covering on the most important journey of our soul i.e. our after life journey.


"Let me tell you a story to chill the bones
About a thing that I saw
One night wandering in the everglades
I'd one drink but no more

I was rambling, enjoying the bright moonlight
Gazing up at the stars
Not aware of a presence so near to me
Watching my every move..."

- Dance Of Death
Iron Maiden

The above excerpt are not just lyrics but something that took place last night. After writing the first few paragraphs till "Deeds - Subjective or Objective", I went out next day and then what took place is depicted in the above lines. I met a ghost who...
Before telling you the events of last night let me that this opportunity and tell you that, ghosts these days have become really smart and technologically advanced. They actually surf net and read stuffs written around and in some cases comments to. Well, I know that because, that's exactly what that ghost told me. He said that, he was online other day and read this blog and had a few questions for me. Here's how our conversation went... 
GHOST : "Hey there..."
AUTHOR : "Hi. Who are you? And why are you translucent?"
GHOST : "I am Mr. G."
AUTHOR : "Mr. G? What's that supposed to mean? G-spot...(laughs)"
GHOST : "(laughs) I always knew you're funny, could make that out from you blog. Actually it's G for ghost. People often freak out when I say that I'm ghost, therefore, I introduce myself as Mr. G."
AUTHOR : "(freaks out) Youuuuu....w...w...w...what?"
MR G. : "(smug) See!!! Just like that."
AUTHOR : "(still freaked) Ghost...And when did you read my blog?"
MR G. : "Late last night. But, I have some questions."
AUTHOR : "(scared and confused) What question? And do you guys read that stuff? Don't you just h(a)unt at nights"
MR G. : "Nopes. Not anymore."
AUTHOR : "Why not?"
MR G. : "Recession, you see (smiles)"
AUTHOR : "Recession? How come it affect you guys? (saying to himself) I must be really high right now. A ghost hit by recession? :phew: It can't be possible...no ways!!!"
MR G. : "(laughs)No, you're not high and you're not imagining either. and please don't say 'ghost', it hurts. Call me Mr. G. You see, during recession, people don't go out for late night drives, so we don't get our daily dose of people haunt. And also there are many unemployed people (read investment bankers), committing suicides so the competition is also increasing."
AUTHOR : "Man, that's terrible. So what you guys do now?"
MR G. : "Didn't I just tell you. We get online, chat, surf, read blogs and stuff. And that's when I came across yours...and..."
AUTHOR : "(scared)And? And what....?"
MR G. : "And wanted to ask you...what about us?"
AUTHOR : "(confused)What about you?"
MR G. : "Well, you've mentioned people, animals, heaven, earth, in short, just about everything but us. If you consider either theory 2 & 3 then we, would never get the fruits of our labor that we did in the past life."
AUTHOR : "Oops...!!!"
MR G. : "(angry)Oops??? Is that all, you're gonna say?"
AUTHOR : "(shaken)Well. I dunno what to say or do."
MR G. : "Give us a fair trail, that's what you can do."
AUTHOR : "How? There's nothing in my hand. I presented the 3 theories of karma just to show their contradictions. I don't make the rules."
MR G. : "If we don't make the transition from one life to the other then how are going to get the fruits of our labor? We are neither going to the next life nor we are getting to do our gig at the heaven/hell, then how are we supposed to get what we deserve"
AUTHOR : "Well. I think in that case you'll have to ask the God, maybe."
MR G. : "Well, if he was ready to negotiate with us in the first place, then we wouldn't be lying here in this state in the middle of nowhere."
AUTHOR : "Hmmm...that's true!"
MR G. : "(with a sad face)Of course, it is."
AUTHOR : "Don't be sad, dude. There must be a way out."
MR G. : "No, there isn't (and start crying)"
AUTHOR : "Hey, please don't cry."
MR G. : "(tears)It's been so long can't even remember must be 40-50 years"
AUTHOR : "I can understand"
MR G. : "No, you can't you're not haunted. You're sober!!!"
AUTHOR : "(thinks for sometime) Ya maybe. Can I do something to make you feel better except for bending over?"
MR G. : "Ya, just write about me on your lens. And dude, please not you...I am straight (frowns)"
AUTHOR : "(sighs) Me too!!! And now for heaven's sake or rather graveyard's sake, just stop being so emotional. Be a man damn it or for that matter a ghost or whatever it is that you are!!!"
MR G. : "All right, I'm good now. Thanks. So long pal"
AUTHOR : "Adios!!!"

I am sure that Mr. G must be reading this from his Apple iDeath laptop while listening to some death rock on his Apple iGrave player and smiling right now. But on a serious note, what about those souls, who've parted from this world but never made it to the other one upstairs or made the u-turn back here???

Don't they deserve a fair trial too?

Finally, I think it would be safe to say that we don't really know how Karma works if at all it exists in the first place, but all we can do is follow our heart and be a better human being without thinking about how full/empty is the barrel that holds our good/bad deeds.
P.S. : If you feel that you've already this one, then you very well possibly have. This is the first blog post I ever wrote. I thought of putting it here as many people know this site so thought of sharing with everyone over where. You can still find the original post over here.

3G Life

There's too much buzz going around these days about 3G mobile technology coming to Indian shores and all. But, I still can't seem to forget how humbly it all started. No, I'm not talking about Mr. Bell, I'm talking about how the mobile phones were once projected as something only a person capable of buying a Mercedes could afford it. I still remember that day when my father was riding me to school and on the way, I saw a man talking on a mobile phone for the first time and thought "Wow...that guy must be really loaded. The day I could afford a mobile phone, I'd consider myself to be rich." Those were the days when an outgoing would cost you as much as Rs. 16 per minute & Rs. 14 per minute for incoming.

Not sure, if everyone has vivid memories of how & when they saw mobile phone for the first time but I'm sure everyone still remembers having child like excitement on beating someone else's top score in a humble game of Snake.

We all have come a long way since then...but now, what next?

The answer is...

3G Life.

So, what is this 3G?

Unless you're above the age of 43 or living under a rock, you'd already be knowing what 3G actually is. In either case, I don't need to tell you about 3G; as at that age there's no way, you'd not know what 3G actually means and still manage to find a link to his blog (unless you happen to glance over your son's shoulder when he's reading this blog) nor it's possible to get an ISP to provide net connection under that rock your living currently, Heck, I'll still explain it anyways. So, it's basically 3rd Generation Mobile which will provide you a host of features which you can't even think of, or maybe you can. And no, it doesn't mean Gorilla Gangs of Guatemala.

Video Calling

Video Calling is something homo sapiens have fantasized ever since they made the first cave painting. Tata Docomo has finally made that dream come true for Mr. Neanderthal with 3G.

Apart from Mr. Neanderthal asking his wife, which tree she'd like him to climb, there a bunch of other random things that you and me can do via Video Calling.

So, its proven 3G spreads love, salvages relationships & reduces the number of break ups. In other words,
3G is a Cupid's insurance policy.

For those of you, who don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend...you can use 3G more wisely like this fellow here.

Mobile TV

Have you ever felt that you have a one too less television sets in your house?
Have you ever been dragged to a boring weeding of your mother's cousin's younger brother's father-in-law's neighbor's nephew's tailor's son?
Do you often find yourself fighting with your mother, sister, wife and/or maid (if you're a female, read father, brother, husband and/or milkman) for controlling the remote control?
If you answer YES to one, two, three or all of the above questions then look no further; 3G is all you require.

Don't believe what I'm saying, listen to what this guy over here has to say...

Remote Surveillance

When on a vacation, how many times have you felt that... "Did I switch all the light off?", "Have I closed that tap properly?", "Did I put the toilet seat down?", "Have I locked that porn movie folder in C drive after watching it last night?", "Was the front door properly locked?" ??

 If such questions bother you, then 3G is THE thing for you. All you need to do is to put up a prison rivaling surveillance cameras in your house and connect the thing with internet and bham!!! You can monitor and check your couch, utensils, pillow, toilet paper and everything in between right from your mobile phone.

This is exactly what this guy has in mind. Well, not exactly, but, more or less.

High Speed Data Transfer

The biggest problem in our country is that everything runs/works/happens with breakneck speed; that includes traffic, internet speeds, infrastructure projects, legal matters as well as getting a certification saying the said person has left this planet, Amen.  And with breakneck speed I mean, nothing gets done till you get frustrated and break someone's neck or vice versa.

But with 3G, that's gonna change. You'll no longer age between page visits. You will no longer grow a child by the time a movie gets downloaded. No longer will you spend doing the chores around the house by the time your new DP gets uploaded. Never again you'll weave a mattress till a 3min youtube video gets buffered.

Video On Demand

Wouldn't it be great if you could record the live cricket match and then watch it laters when you're free, unless you happen to be as lucky as this fellow who has all the time in world to watch it, possibly even in 3D?

What would you do if you're tired and sleepy and can't stay up for that late night Barcaleno match, as you'll be having a semi important presentation next day? Just record it and watch it next day or just demand it as & when you need it. Yes, you CAN demand your favorite football game, k-serial, Miss Universe or that particular episode of Koffee with Karan that you missed while boozing with your friends at the bar.

Video Gaming

Now, thanks to 3G, gaming is not just geek forte. Everyone, can now get a piece of the uber cool gaming industry. Now you can drive a Formula Car, diffuse a nuclear bomb, shake a leg Elvis style, save the world from zoombies & much more...all thanks to Tata Docomo's 3G Life. And what more, you do compete against that 8year old kid from Tokyo who considers himself a Gaming God. So, are you ready to kick some Japanese ass?

Apart from these cliche advantages, there are many other individual specific benefits too...
Don't trust me? Check out for yourself.


Staying in touch with specially gifted people

Rural India connectivity

Traffucked? Not anymore

Reduces Corruption

Makes you spiritual

Make you go crazy

So now you see, how excited this universe is about 3G? Infact, so exicted were the blokes at Indiblogger that while putting up the Tata Docomo banner on their site, they got all teary eyed out of excitement and the anxiety of a cheap 3G plan made their fingers tremble so much that at first they got the contest end date a lil wrong. 

But worry not, a cold shower and half a dozen pints later they realized their silliness and changed the end date from 5th August to 5th November.

So, what are you waiting for? Go get yourself a Tata Docomo 3G connection, now.

STATUTORY WARNING: This blog is strictly written in public interest. Well, actually it's written for this contest but I'd like to consider that it's written in public interest as I'll not only be competing for this contest but also imparting knowledge, making the sponsors of this contest happy and the blokes at Indiblogger a bit richer. All the proceeding from the prize money will go towards protection of mankind as I won't go crazy and kill the judges and voters for not winning some mollah. So if you're registered user of Indiblogger, I'd request you to vote for ME inorder to keep my violence in check.

P.S. The twitter images shown in this blog have all been a part of the #My3GLife # tag, that was launched by Tata Docomo as a part of an online competition, hence, I'd like to thank Tata Docomo and all the participants for the same. Or not.