Beginner's guide to the wild tropical sweat forest of Health Clubs

Health Club / Fitness Center / Gym / Body Sculpting Studio / Iron Pumping Factory or whatever you call it, fact remains its a jungle out there and stepping into the wild isn't easy for the newbies.

For those who're playing to take the plung into this wild wild world, let me familiar you with the various species you'll be encountering over there.

1. Moaner: Its scientifically proved that, moans travel faster than actions and you'll experience it as soon as you step into the sweat heaven. This species is know for its loud grunts that generally sounds like... "aaahhhhh", "uuuuhhhh", "huuuuuuhhhh", "faaaaaaakkkkkkk", et all. The strongest part of this species are his vocal cord muscles. He visits the gym to add stamina and power to his Adam's apple to facilitate much louder grunts at the time of mating.

2. Adviser: This species falsely prides itself in being know-it-all, long nosed creature. It has a natural tendency to disturb others physical routine and gives unasked advice inorder to win uncalled attention. They would go to the extent of enforcing their pokes by taking away your props and touch you at weird places to correct (read disrupt) your postures.

3. Socialiser: This creature never misses an opportunity to mark his territory with his musky sweat. He's generally found around the treadmill swamps and bicycle grasslands where large herds of female kinds are found strolling about. Occasionally, this creature is even seen around watercooler watering holes taking tips and networking with other alpha males for some or the other personal gain.

4. Playlister: This species is highly sensitive to sounds and thus at all times tries to have most satisfactory and optimum decibel levels.

5. Poser: This is the most hilarious creature of the lot and is found in largest number across the territory. Their large numbers, more than makes up for their lack of power, which they utilize to bother other larger species. They're more amused by a simple mirror than orangutans. According to scientific estimates they spend 87% of their time making retarded and preposterous poses. Since the beginning of evolution, this species has been trying to take over the world but physically speaking, they haven't done it yet.

6. Fighter: They are smallest in numbers but are feisty by nature and belong to a secret practice of "The I'll-despise-everything-and-everyone!". They would bark at others for anything and everything from leaving their napkin anywhere except their hands ,to keeping a dumbbell 3cms from where they picked it up, to leaving the toilet seat up/down/whatever. However they often tuck their tails between their legs when they encounter other larger creatures.

7. Roadroller: This species has characteristics of various species like, activeness of a sloth, body fat percentage of a hippopotamus and asthetics of a camel. He's also nicknamed as milestone, cause every single repetition and ever single ounce of weight is a milestone.

8. Builder: This creature is truly the king of this jungle. He's the alpha-male and the object of desire of every female to have healthy youngones with. He's everything that our previous species is not.

I guess now everyone's clear with the unknown territory and its fiercest species. Hopefully, now you'll be able to tackle everyone gleefully.


Lost Thoughts said...

Haha this was good....i know a fair amount of all of these kinds of ppl :)

Truck Driver said...

Hahah .... thanks btw i am joining a gym from tomorrow :P so that might help i think

shruti.. said...

very well observed...
what kind of species are you then...?

Phoenix said...

@Lost Thoughts... Seems you too a fitness freak? :P

@Truck Driver... All the best... lemme know the kinda species you turn into. :P

@Shruti... Shhhh... secret. ;)

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